Step 1. Have average week with work, gym, adult commitments and bill-paying. Decide life needs to be improved. Realise you are sick to death of the sight of your own dumb house, hate all of your clothes and don’t quite understand why M.A.S.H is still on TV. Also get mad about the Groundhog Day life you are living and have a complete first-world-problem style meltdown and commence whinging about ‘needing a holiday’ – usually within 3-6 weeks of having just returned from a holiday.
Step 2. Google. IG. FB. Walk past travel agent windows, get imagination brain going. Imagine destinations, look at other peoples photos. Re-familiarise self with Pinterest travel bucket-list. Start actively resenting anyone around you going on holidays. Realise you need a solid plan. Go to breakfast with Husband, drop hints like a wild person. Disregard fact that he knows, that you know, that he knows what you’re up to. Persist. Husband makes more practical decisions than you, keep at it – he will break.
Step 3. Start random spreadsheet, work out budget. Make trip idea – develop into very loose plan. Decide whether or not you can afford a holiday (you can’t) and how can you pay for it (probably by not cutting your hair or buying any clothes/eating oats for 12 months). Realise any sacrifice is worth it if it means you can get on a f*cking plane and get out. Snapshot anything you see and send to Husband, the seed has already been planted – he knows what you’re up to. F*ck it. Keep going.
Step 4. Float idea with workplace. Try and establish what your chances are in getting time off from work for your trip. Don’t just book your own leave and be so excited to book that you completely forget everyone else’s commitments. Apply for leave. Have leave approved – continue with holiday. If leave not approved – consider quitting job or changing holiday dates (more likely first one because you are now emotionally invested in original plan).
Step 5. Book. Book everything. Only book things you can cancel for free though, because you are going to change your mind 100,000 times. Make grand plans to save X amount of $, lose x amount of weight and basically become a better person ready to experience the world, change your life and come back renewed. Try to stay motivated so you don’t cry at work, or throw a dumbbell at someone at the gym because you are tired/broke/hungry.
Step 6. Recognise your completely unreasonable savings plan, realise you cannot live your authentic life and save the amount of money you think you need. Cancel several of your travel arrangements, skip three or four places completely and on some days battle whether you eat, or have the internet, due to cost. Also torture self with alternative travel arrangements you think you should have made. When in fact your trip is perfect and you are being an unreasonable drama queen (like that is even a thing). Continue to buy completely unnecessary sh*t, forget savings goal and drink/spend what you shouldn’t. Continue to axe travel plans to compensate for your idiocy.
Step 7. Pack suitcase 3 weeks before trip, buy additional outfits and shoes you won’t wear, but will take up most of your suitcase room. Purchase an impractical hand-bag, take 4kg of make-up, toiletries and hair straightener (which you won’t use). Become increasingly stressed towards holiday – buy completely unreasonable quantities of cold and flu drugs, hand sanitiser and probably something prohibited in another country. Forget to pack camera charger and probably tooth-brush…but you have 50 antacids so you consider you have done okay. Buy new camera charger half an hour before your plane/train/boat leaves for x3 the price it should be. Oh – also try to learn a new language the week before you go on the trip – it will definitely (not) work out.
Step 8. Commence holiday. Do what you want anyway, plans will fall apart, you might miss some mode of transport or lose some item of luggage. You might end up so sh*t-tinned in celebration on your first night, that your first day of holiday is spent not doing what you had planned to do 8 months before hand in afore-mentioned spreadsheet. Get sick, get lost, spend all money far too quickly and end up throwing out half the stuff you packed – OR pay extra luggage to smuggle all overseas cheap clothes/make-up/lollies home.
Step 9. Plan next journey. Repeat above.
Enjoy every minute of it 😉
x C x