Long haul flights are nobodies friend. Especially not a friend towards us taller folk. We struggle to get comfortable, we nearly always have someone 5″ sitting in-front of us who drop their seat back ALL the way the second that seatbelt light goes off. If we are lucky we end up in the middle.
I’ve been stuck between two tiny ladies on my flight from Singapore to Brisbane, both fall asleep on me and snore their little heads off. With all of their bags I had no leg room and to get comfy I tucked my feet into the magazine holder in front of me.
On my flight from Peru to Argentina, a lady took her shoe off, lifted it up over her knee and played with her toes for most of the flight. I had another guy on a flight from LA to Miami put his foot through the seats and poke me with his toes. There was the guy who burped and blew his burp breath behind him into my seating area so as not to offend his Wife.
My Husband had a lady eat a red onion covered salad from SanFran to NYC and I’ve had a woman take my magazine from my lap and read it from Singapore to Dubai. That same journey I had air-staff ask me to swap my extra-leg room seat for a pregnant lady. At the time I was too naive to say no and ended up in the middle seat next to her Husband who very aggressively told me I was not to consume meat or alcohol near him.
Oh and then there’s the tiny, tiny man who jammed his seat back into my legs so fiercely that it blew my meniscus out.
Ahhh flying. Now this was a post I started before we headed overseas. It has now been a couple of weeks overseas and multiple flights so here’s a few of my tips.
1. If you’re flying long-haul, forget the window seat because if there are strangers on the other side of you, you will be faced with the Tyler Durden position of arse or crotch. Go the middle row, outside seat. If you’re flying with another person then at MOST you will only be getting up for each other.
2. Forget your #instagram worthy outfit and get comfortable. Remember, you are in for the long-haul. Quite literally. In your own strange solo space, sitting and marinating in your own juices. Yeah that sounds disgusting but it’s the reality of the situation. You want some moisture-wicking, comfy and loose clothing. As for shoes, wear something you can slip on and off quickly. Pack socks – because your feet will get cold.
3. Creature comforts are your best friend. That’s your space. Get comfy. Set your little home up. Wipe your seat down with antibacterial wipes before you go touching everything. Make sure you have eye-drops & nose-spray. You need to treat yourself like your beloved dog, keep that nose wet. It’s your best defence against other people’s germs. Also, not sure if you’ve ever tried to wash your face in an airplane basin, but it’s no Neutrogena moment. So make-up wipes are where it’s at.
4. After my last flight I feel it’s pretty important to mention this next one. Don’t overdo it on your medication. Don’t over think the process. Do not take double what you are meant to. Because sometimes, some people get really sick and end up putting one of the plane toilets out of commission from your exorcist style illness. Ps. I was that person and I will carry this shame for the rest of my life.
5. Do not replace water with wine. You are not Jesus’ dinner guests. Drink your water or look like a haggard monster at the end of your trip.
6. Be prepared to become the resting place for smaller people. People fall asleep on me. People use my bags as pillows. People have no clue that I enjoy physical interactions with strangers about as much as I would enjoy putting a campfire out with my face. Set your boundaries. Keep them in place or be prepared to become someone’s prison Wife in that tiny flying steel chamber of hell for 14 hours.
7. If you want to eat first. Order a special meal. Not only will you be served first, but you can eat and then go to sleep. Win.
8. Have music lists ready to go. Close your eyes and try to sleep whenever you feel those little lids of yours dropping. If you cannot sleep wake back up and read or watch tv, but the second those little sleeping fairies start flirting with you, try to get to sleep.
9. If you are in the middle seat, let me give you a universally known tip. Those arm rests are YOURS. If someone who has an aisle seat tries to take your arm rests, or heaven forbid the people either side of you attempt this, get crafty with those elbows. They’re yours babe. Never forget.
10. Keep that air on high. Give yourself every possibility of remaining well. Remember, people for some reason seem to treat personal hygiene like a fancy persons treat. Try to keep those coughs, sneezes, burps, stinky breath and of course farts (animals people, they’re animals) out of your face as best you can.
Look, they’re my ten tips. You may or may not agree with them. If you can fly business do it. Otherwise remember it’s a means to an end and travel is the greatest thing in the world!
What’s your top long-haul tip?
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