‘When you moved, I felt squeezed with a wild infatuation and protectiveness. We are one. Nothing, not even death, can change that.’ – Suzanne Finnamore
In the last week my belly bump has grown, it is rounder than before and it feels much more firm. Moving in certain ways is getting harder and I am really starting to feel the weight.
There is more to it than just its growth though, I’ve started to feel movements. Your movements.
Beautiful, fluttering movements. After a really rough pregnancy, to be able to experience those first noticeable movements from you is nothing short of delightful.
When I wake in the mornings and roll over onto my back, I wait for you to rise to the surface (so to speak). I will feel the motion and shortly after see the risen part of my stomach. Last week you were mostly to the left, this week you have been to the right. I spend my first five minutes awake waiting for my little surface visitor. When you do meet my hand at the surface and push every so slowly against it, it is the days reassurance for me.
That what I am going through day to day, is for both of us. It is not just for me anymore. This alone beautiful but terrifying, both settling and overwhelming.
For now the flutters are just between you and I, the movements cannot be felt on the outside and your Dad hasn’t felt you yet. In your own time your movements will become more pronounced.
Thank you for greeting me in the morning, for having a little groove whenever I play music and for being the cute little frog you are at the moment.
I can’t wait to meet you.
The other day I wrote about how I was feeling towards #instagram and my travel/blog account.
Yesterday there was an incredible meet-up, for a travel group I was heavily involved in and truly loved. Given my feelings lately towards Social Media, and Instagram in particular – I was tossing up whether or not to go. I really wanted to meet the woman who had put the group together and had been so incredibly generous, kind and inclusive to all of us. There were a few other local girls I had chatted to on the platform and wanted to meet.
Despite my anxiety being a 15/10, I went and it was so lovely to ‘meet’ these people I have spoken with for a year and a half. Sadly my anxiety got the better of me and I had to leave. I only lasted around 45 minutes and my need to leave and get to my safe-place, home.
Last night I was so worked up with anxiety and stress related to my Instagram page that I actually decided this morning to A) delete my travel page I started with another person and B) temporarily (perhaps permanently) deactivate my personal travel / blog page.
This is no reflection on the wonderful members of the community I was part of, however I can honestly say I feel better about it already.
It is time to go back to enjoying my writing, getting my business off of the ground and centering myself. Thanks to everyone who has supported me, read my posts and encouraged me. I may or may not reactivate @courtney_brisbaneblogger / @courtneygaye travels, but for now I think I will just take a break and get back to what I really love.
I hope to see you around the traps otherwise, take care and look after yourselves and the things you love ❤