Tired, Toxic & Stressed

At 33 to say I feel emotionally and spiritually congested is an understatement. I try to practice mindfulness, I read, I sleep, I stopped smoking, I eat relatively well. I exercise when I can but I still feel stuck.

I feel stuck in a way a car can be on soft sand not really able to go forwards or backwards (depending on the driver, if you ask literally any man near you). I feel congested. I feel emotionally and spiritually constipated. Which is a really feral way to word something but it is the aptest description of how I am feeling.

I want to feel clear, I want to feel light and I want to feel energised. I want to love myself. I know I need a detox, but of what exactly is beyond me.

I’ve tried massages and mostly just felt entirely freaked out. I went off the booze for several months and felt awful. I stopped eating meat four months ago and even that hasn’t made me feel any better. I just feel so heavy. I have no idea what would even work at this point.

This does not feel like a situation for a day spa, this is more…internal.

I believe in holistic help, I believe in Western Medicine, I believe in mindfulness, I believe in ghosts. I am really open to anything. So where do I go to seek assistance with my mind and my soul? I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on a spa with indulgent procedures – my epidermis is not the problem here.

My pain is emotional, my spirit is disturbed and all of this comes out in physical ailments. I get sick, I get sad, my skin plays up, my hair falls out. There have been moments where I have nearly convinced myself that surely I am somehow possessed?

I have no clue where the source of the pain is, all I know is that this has been a long term drama. For the first time in my life, I am willing to push everything aside, drown out all of the naysayers and put my trust into someone who might be able to use some kind of intuitive healing or investigation into this problem within me. Is this a thing? Where does someone go for this type of help?

I am sure it is a combination of diet, exercise, inner cleansing, probiotics, massage, meditation, sweating or something but honestly. I cannot even begin to get my head in the right space to even try!

If you have any advice at all, I would love to hear it. How do I get my sh*t together when every method I have tried has not at all worked?

 

x Courtney x

 

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